hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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