but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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