No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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