once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Welp...herpes.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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