I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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