Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
