There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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