Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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