the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize