Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
