i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
