Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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