You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you will always have a special place in my vag
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
