We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
