What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
