New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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