my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
