i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
