I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize