Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
