There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
