We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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