Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
