what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
