It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
