we're chasing vodka with high fives
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
