Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
