I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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