I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
