Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
