Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
