I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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