I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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