video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
That accounts for only three of the penises
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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