woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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