kristin has been a bad kristin
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
