just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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