I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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