Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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