Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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