people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
