I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
