You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
