I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
