Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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