Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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