I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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