All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
