Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
