Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
