I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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