well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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