you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
