it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
