I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
