I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
