why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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