youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
