you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
