so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
