I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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