youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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