I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
