Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
