Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
