I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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