If i could tip my vagina, i would.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
