The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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