oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
