2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's never too late to be topless.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I want a musical about memes.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
