I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
