he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
