1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
