I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Will exercising make me less horny?
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