I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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