I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
