I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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