You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
