so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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