the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
love makes seman taste better
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
